I recently watched Jerry Seinfeld give the commencement speech at Duke University. Amidst the humor and lightheartedness he said something I thought was brilliant. I immediately wrote it down. I always enjoy things like that. Things that cause you to pause and reflect immediately. He said:

“don’t think about having, think about becoming.”

I loved it immediately. And for so many reasons. I truly believe you must become obsessed with perfecting and enjoying the process. The results should work themselves out at some point. I like to think I embody this approach. Sure, I often fantasize about the results and what they will look like down the road. And that’s always fun. But I always try to just slow down and focus on perfecting the process. And frankly I’ve begun to enjoy it.

I know with every 1% improvement I’m becoming better. It’s a slow process no doubt. Like polishing a huge rock down to small tiny beautiful sculpture. But if you forget about what the little finished product will look like and just enjoy the polishing process, you begin to view every setback, disappointment or mistake as just another opportunity for growth and improvement.

To achieve growth, I think you have to be brutal in assessing your own past. I’ve heard from people my whole life that I’m my own worst critic. And that’s definitely true. And as mentally exhausting as that can be, it’s also the part that drives me, and brings me some joy. And I think deep down it’s because I know I’m becoming that version of myself I always wanted to be.

However, when I look around I see people obsessed with having. With social media comes the ability to constantly compare what we have to others. Keyword here is “have.” Nobody posts on social media the boring “becoming” part. The hard work, the mistakes or the persistence that’s required for most levels of success. That’s not sexy at all. Our society doesn’t care about that part. This shallow emphasis on “having” can create an entitlement and laziness that becomes embedded in our psyche. And this shapes behavior in a hugely negative way.

When I read biographies, I’m most interested in the becoming part. I like the “in the trenches” aspect of stories. The building. I think in some ways we all do. When you watch the famous movie Rudy, you wouldn’t have enjoyed the ending as much had you not watched the becoming part.

So slow down a bit. Allow fantasies to swell in your mind about what you’d love to have or who you’d love to be. It’s healthy and normal. But put your real energy into the becoming part. Personally I think you’ll have a lot more fun, and enjoy the journey more. And the result will be much more satisfying later.